A/N: This is the first poem I've wrote since April! So please, rip it to pieces!
His Soul, My Idolatry
By Angel of Death
listen to my body's hymns
hear my heavy sighs,
touch my feeble limbs,
caress my aching thighs.
with your kiss, cleanse my skin
bathe every part of me in your love
forgive my every fault, my every sin
show me the spirit my heart
seems to be deprived of.
as we dance, our eyes grow weak,
the night spins round and round,
augmented by the prayers I speak,
as we lie down.
when I rest my head against your chest,
I breathe in the smell of your purity
knowing that like your soul, I am blessed
and that our love is beautiful, in all it's obscurity.
they say that a God's word is divine
if that is true, it is yours I whisper again and again
for when you say "I love you' heaven and earth intertwine
and as you fall to sleep, I whisper 'Amen'.
(song: Words by Arid)
(Word: 014. logos)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
hello
I would put "that" before "heart". also, in this stanza, you've included five lines instead of four. You need to be consistent and stick only a certain number of lines per stanza.I liked this poem alot. I only have a few nitpicks, but before I start, I love your first two stanzas! lol ok, anyways. first nitpick:
the only thing wrong with this is the last line. It kinda seems too short to be a line all by itself, so perhaps add something in there with it?
in this, the only thing I would have to point out is that you should have "a god's". Seeing as you have "a" before "god", so we know that it's not THE God, but something close, you shouldn't have it capitalized.
But that's it, for me. I really liked this; the only other thing with it is you lack of capitalization. If you're not sure what to capitalize, just write it out in sentence format, (or mentally) and place capitalization where needed. But anyways, good job
-ash